So it's not a question of your husband needing counselling. The fact that your husband likes women's panties, and knows where that interest began, doesn't mean that you are a mere substitute for his sister, consciously or unconsciously. That holds true even when a fetish, born of those past experiences, remains. Why do you presume that your husband fantasises about his sister when he makes love to you? Past sexual experiences aren't always called up when we make love. How else do you explain the fact that you want to keep on talking about it? Instead, you turned it into your own sexual fantasy at some level. You're hooked on it, in fact.įrom what you tell me, it seems your husband talked about his past, and more or less thought that was the end of it. He's told you about his early experiences, about his sister, about their incest, and it has captured your imagination. You have gone a lot further in sharing your husband's mind. The issue here is not your husband's addiction. It all depends on how he balances his life, keeps his addiction under reasonable control - in short, how he conducts himself.
So I don't suggest every man who likes wearing women's panties should go to a therapist. I don't believe in seeing every quirk of the human condition as pathological. They feel driven to wear women's clothes as part of expressing the sexual aspect of their personalities. For all kinds of psychological reasons, some men get stuck in their sexuality. I've discussed cross-dressing before, I believe it is an addiction. You've indulged in a fantasy, which is now driving you. And you know that what happened to your husband and his sister was not right, was the product of great unhappiness, emotional neglect and bad behaviour on the part of an aunt who clearly didn't love the children she took on to rear. More precisely, you can differentiate between the appropriate and the inappropriate. I imagine it is entirely possible that she, too, has problems with the baggage she carries from the past.ĪOF course you understand the intimacy of brothers and sisters, you don't need the actual experience. But she has often referred to how strictly they were brought up, and how their aunt regularly slapped them both, and even spanked them in each other's presence. I have never mentioned this subject to his sister, who I have always found to be very friendly. He doesn't want to see a therapist, saying he'd find it embarrassing, and suggests that, if both of us can live with the memory of those early experiences, then why not just let things be. But I wonder if psychotherapy would help my husband eliminate what are, essentially, incestuous fantasies. I know that psychologists talk about the importance of early childhood experiences and that it's almost impossible to wipe out early memories. I must admit that as an only child, I don't understand brothers and sisters and the types of intimacy they can share. I suppose my problem is that I feel a little jealous, knowing that my husband thinks of another woman when we make love. Yet it is clear to me that when we make love, he fantasises about his sister and tries to recreate their times together. But for long periods, he refuses to say anything about them when I press him. My husband has discussed these early experiences with me from time to time. This behaviour went on well into his teens, and only stopped when he and his sister went their separate ways. It was in these circumstances that he had his first sexual experiences, as he'd get an erection when his sister dressed him in her knickers and she would then fondle him. My impression, from what he tells me, is that he half-willingly went along with her. She seemed to enjoy making him wear her underwear. His aunt stopped this practice when he was about 12, but his sister, who is a few years older, continued it surreptitiously. As a young boy, one of the punishments he got when he gave trouble was to wear his sister's knickers. He and his sister were brought up by an aunt. It's the origin of this fetish that I'm concerned with, not the fetish itself. And I may as well say, too, that all this has added a bit of spice to our sex lives. I still help him to buy the panties he likes. QI DISCOVERED some years ago that my husband liked to wear women's panties.